But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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