Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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