I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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