so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize