if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize