I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
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Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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