why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize