Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
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Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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