Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
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Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
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I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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