We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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