just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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