Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Please, let me fuck your mom
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
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when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
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I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
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