I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My penis needs a shock collar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize