oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize