Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
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Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
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I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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