3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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