Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize