Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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