Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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