I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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