The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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