Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
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He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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