yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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