you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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