sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
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I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
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I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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