I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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