your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize