none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
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Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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