When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
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There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
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My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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