The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize