The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
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I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
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I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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