I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize