Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
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I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
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I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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