About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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