I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize