i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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