i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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