Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
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she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
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I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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