my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
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i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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