I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
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sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize