Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
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