Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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