we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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