someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
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