swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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