I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
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If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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