dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
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She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
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I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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