Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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