My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No...this little piggys going to the bar
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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