My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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